I have been absent from my blog for several months now and I can assure you that each and every moment of that absence has been filled with the kind of stress and hectic madness that takes the wind out of the sails of my writing. I have been stuck behind the eight ball more times in the last few months than I even want to think about. I have made some friends, I have lost some friends, I have learned a few things about being a responsible adult. I have even done some amazing events and cooked some incredible things but became so wrapped up in the chaos of the moment that I neglected to take photos; once even after I was reminded to take photos. But oh well. I also found a website that has free images for bloggers and crafters alike and now am no long bound by photography. Thank god.
The thing in the foreground of my life right now is health. My husband’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer right around the time that I last blogged and died within two months. I realized that two of my most favorite and beloved people in this world: My husband and my daughter are on the wrong end of some terrible cancer genetics. My husband’s uncle died quickly of cancer in his 50’s and now his father in his 60’s. For the first time ever these sorts of things became real for me instead of just something that happens to other people without ever truly effecting me. It took this kind of reality check for me to immediately know what I had to do. I had to change the way I do things.
I express myself through food. Food itself is the window to my soul. It is my everything. I worship food, food is my art, food is my life, food is how I have shown the world who I am. I realized that to me food is also a substance, a drug, and an addiction. Food for me in my life has been as good as it gets. If some pretty girl gets the guy, I get the amazing delicious masterpiece cake. No More! I am completely over it.
I will still love food and I will still express myself through food and live through food because that is who I am and what I do but I will choose food that make my soul shine and sparkle because of how truly healthy I am. I realize now that happiness and beauty are both simply health. I realize now that I have lacked these things in my life because I didn’t really know where to look for them. They were always right in front of me but because I was panicking so much about not having them I never noticed them before. So many things make sense to me now that didn’t before. The most important of them is this: You can use whatever it is that you use as a distraction from your problems as the answer to your problems. By no longer taking part in it. The moment you learn how to bear the fear of your biggest issues is the moment those issues become clear and then disappear.
I don’t live on the farm any more. I am no longer a stay at home mom. I have a 40 hour work week, a baby in day care and a husband who is living and working on the farm trying to keep his family’s heritage alive. I don’t have the time to blog how I used to nor the desperate drive to try to make a living off of my blog any more. I do however have some things to say that I think are important. I hope you find my new discoveries as important and interesting as I do. It feels odd calling it “farm baby” these days, but there is still a farm and there is still a baby and there is still a woman behind it all learning like crazy about new things. I’m excited about the new info I have to share with all of you.